Month: August 2014
HPV information worth checking out
When NYC City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito tweeted last night that she had been diagnosed with “high risk” HPV, I knew that many women would not know exactly what this meant. But social media would spread the word and women would want to know.
My google search hit on the CDC Fact Sheet first, and so I took a look.
The language and text elements used here result in a message that is meaningfully useful to a broad audience of readers.
Excerpt of first paragraph –
The current CDC HPV Fact Sheet has a number of things to commend it:
- generally easy vocabulary ( 6th-8th grade) with no medical jargon
- mostly simple and compound sentence structures – avoiding disjointed, staccato-like simple sentences
- helpful repetition of the key topic noun so people know what is being referred to – good coherence
- a thoughtful strategy –
- normalizes HPV at the start instead of striking dread into readers. Dread predisposes many not to read on
- clearly distinguishes HPV from HIV and HSV within the first two sentences – orthographically ( referring to the visual array of the abbreviated letters) – helping readers not confuse these medical acronyms.
To balance my enthusiasm, it’s probably time to steel myself and take a look at what the SANEVAX folks have brewed up.
How to fumble a simple hazard warning about NYC beaches
Those of us who’ve signed up to receive text alerts from the impressive NYC system Notify NYC, know we open ourselves up to a wide range of warnings, notices, and concerning information that can intrude at any time day or night. (Let’s not go there)
Some days a “Silver Alert” about a missing elderly man with dementia. Other times it’s a “Heat Advisory” warning me to stay hydrated.
Today it was a text about the condition of NY Beaches 2 days after the NY area were deluged with over a foot of rain that sluiced tons of runoff into the beaches.
The text from Notify NYC read:
“The advisories have been lifted”!
How high?
Lifted off of what?
Is it like “lifting your voice” – making it higher and louder? (OED primary definitions applied)
“lifted” here is a word used for legal purposes, not the right word for public consumption.
BTW, notice the passive verb that further complicates this simple message.
A Rewrite
The NYC Dept. of Health reports that all NYC public beaches are now safe for swimming. There are NO beach advisories. …
How useful is this ubiquitous Ebola graphic?
Ebola Infographics
She kindly shared an ABC News (AU) piece that does a far better job explaining some of the basic information about Ebola to the public.
The overall lay out of the information is user friendly – much less crowded and intimidating than the CDC page.
What really caught my eye were the visuals ( Infographics ) about Transmission , and interactive Affects on the Body, and for those inclined to read charts, a chart.
The language used on the site is not anywhere close to the high barrier grade 13-14 reading level the CDC language uses. But I couldn’t help from fiddling with it a bit. A few tweaks here and there would make this an even more accessible piece.
Original
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A Rewrite for more universal comprehension
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What is Ebola, and how does this highly contagious and deadly disease spread?
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[vocabulary]
What is Ebola and how does this very contagious and deadly disease spread?
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First discovered in 1976, the virus has periodically spread through parts of Africa, killing thousands in the process.
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[activate the verb and flip the order of info]
The virus was discovered in 1976 in Africa. From time to time Ebola starts and spread in parts of Africa and kills thousands of people as it spreads.
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There is currently no vaccine, and due to its fast onset and horrific symptoms it has become one of the world’s most feared diseases.
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[clarify the reference(Ebola); unpack an overly complex sentence into 2 sent.]
There is no vaccine for Ebola virus. It makes a person sick very quickly and the sick person suffers very horrible symptoms. For these reasons Ebola is one of the world’s most feared diseases.
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How does it spread?
There are five strains of Ebola: Zaire, Sudan, Tai Forest, Bundibugyo and Reston. The Zaire strain, which is involved in the latest outbreak, is the most lethal with a fatality rate of up to 90 per cent.
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How does it spread?
There are five strains of Ebola: Zaire, Sudan, Tai Forest, Bundibugyo and Reston.
[simplify sentence by losing the embedded clause (which is involved…..]
The current outbreak (or the outbreak that is happening now) is the Zaire strain of the Ebola virus. Zaire is the most lethal (deadly) strain and 90% of the people who get sick with this strain die.
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Humans can catch the virus from animals through close contact with infected animals’ blood, secretions, organs or other bodily fluids.
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OK
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The virus is thought to reside within the region’s fruit bat population, with the bats carriers of Ebola, but unaffected by it.
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[Voc; activate verbs]
Scientists think the virus lives in the fruit bats. And even though the bats carry the virus they do not become sick.
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The bushmeat trade (the catching and eating of wild animals, including primates such as gorillas and chimpanzees) is thought to play a role in outbreaks of the disease.
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[avoid nominalized verbs – “the catching”; activate]
Some people in the region catch and eat wild animals, including gorillas and chimpanzees (called “bushmeat”). Experts believe this is part of the way the virus spreads
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